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Sue Sparrow
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Vox Hunt: You Make Me Feel Like Writing
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Tagged hpwriting2, vox hunt, what do you have to say?, writing inspiration
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One more recipe…
Okay, this is not being thrown out there to garner another TIG nomination, seriously, it's just for fun since so many had fun with the cookie recipe. I used to publish a monthly magazine which took a horrendous amount of time, but for the most part when I wasn't traveling, I did it at home in my jammies. I worked under my own schedule. When I sold the magazine, I took a job for another company. Wooah what an adjustment – learning to live under a rigid schedule again! I wrote this almost a year ago on one of the message boards I still operate. As you can see, I'm single, working, and have a kennel of hunting dogs. My schedule hasn't changed much since then. Hope you enjoy.
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"I know I will catch some flack over this, but I thought some of the working ladies might find it amusing. Somebody asked me what I did with all my spare time now that I'm not doing the monthly magazine, and after some thought I responded with this:
My Recipe to get thru a day.
Ingredients:
3 ounces good Kentucky bourbon (or 6 ounces, depending)
1 pack cigarettes
1 Blueberry Bagel
A dash of tolerance
4 cups sense of humor.
Follow instructions carefully. Preparation time, 24 hours. Serves one:
5:45 am – Hit snooze alarm for the 5th time and get up. Stumble to kitchen and put coffee on. Think to self that cold kitchen floor on bare feet works better than caffeine.
5:55 am – Check e-mails while coffee is brewing, notice there are 14 more people who want activating for the message boards. Check “To Do” list made on Word Doc the night before.
6:00 am – Activate the 14 people while drinking coffee, answer a dozen e-mails, read Daily Horoscope and Love Tarot (roll eyes at both), check the weather at weather.com and read forecast for more snow. Delete 300 junk mails in 4 different e-mail accounts. Check bank balance online and make note that phone bill is due.
6:30 am – Run warm water into bucket and take to dogs in the kennel, in the dark…in nightgown, coat, and kennel boots. Ignore neighbor who is peering at you thru his window like you're some kind of freak. Come back in and place one bagel in the toaster.
6:45 am – Shower and get dressed. Decide the black knit dress won't do with 7 inches of snow on the ground – put on black slacks and low-heeled shoes instead. Apply makeup. Notice that cold weather is chapping face, and nails need to be polished again. Spray hairspray 12 times around head in a circular motion like Raid on a hornet’s nest because there’s a 20 mph wind out today.
7:00 am – Notice bagel has gotten cold. Try to warm it in microwave. Walk around house holding cold bagel in teeth while gathering purse, mail, snow boots, etc. Bring in newspaper, close front door with foot. Throw newspaper in stack with other unread newspapers.
7:10 am – Put on coat and start Jeep because it's 3 degrees outside. Go back in, shut coffee pot off, take meat out of freezer and set on counter to thaw. Put on 2 more layers of clothes, take cell phone off charger and throw in purse. Make sure cigarettes and lighter are in there, too.
7:20 am – Go to Jeep, slamming bad knee against trailer hitch and dropping all items you were carrying. Cuss. Leave for work.
7:30 am – Pay the guy in the window at the Hardee’s drive-thru because the cold bagel was inedible. Eat and drink juice while driving to work. When within one mile of work, light cigarette and apply lipstick while dodging school bus. Cuss again while cutting off 3 people in traffic.
7:45 am – Arrive at work.
LUNCHTIME: Run any and all errands you can't do in the evening thru the week, i.e. grocery, banking, post office, drug store. Go thru Wendy’s and grab a salad. Smoke at least 3 cigarettes.
5:00 pm – Shut down computer at work, put the 2 layers of extra clothes back on, kick off dress shoes and put on snow boots. Sit in parking lot for 5 minutes waiting for Jeep to warm up. Take a drag off cigarette like it’s a cocaine fix. Look at gas gauge and decide one eighth of a tank is plenty to get home, but cigarettes are getting low. Look at self in rear view mirror and screech loudly. Take note to buy stronger hairspray at drugstore on lunch hour next day.
5:40 pm – Arrive home after hitting every red light and stopping for 2 trains. Gas gauge light is now blinking red. Carry in groceries, drugstore items and anything else acquired over lunch hour. Bring in junk mail. Remember the Hardee’s trash is still in the back seat of Jeep where it was thrown that morning. Vow to get it and the Wendy’s salad container out of there tomorrow…when stopping for gas and cigarettes.
6:00 pm – Peel off dress clothes, throw over chair in 2nd bedroom intending to hang up later with the rest of the week’s clothes. Peel off pantyhose. Put field gear on and kennel boots while warm water is running in bucket in kitchen sink. Go feed and water dogs and puppies. Notice that one of the puppies crapped in water bowl. Slam frozen water bowl 4 times against a block of ice on the ground from yesterday to knock out the sh*tty ice block in it today. Wash with warm water from bucket and replace. Catch up the 2 puppies that escaped while doing so. Dig around in snow for the dropped kennel lock snap.
6:20 pm – Return to house, peel off field clothes, make bourbon and coke while fingers are still frozen and won't feel the ice going into the glass, then run fingers under warm water to thaw. Put on soft sweats and fuzzy slippers. Start dinner with the meat left on counter that morning.
7:00 pm – Check e-mails again and decide what can get done on stud book in next 2 hours, or moderate the boards because some of the grown men members are acting like 14-yr-old pre-menstrual girls. Chat with a couple of friends in between on instant messenger. Run to kitchen and open back door for 2 minutes to clear out smoke from the burnt dinner (I burn food a lot.) Make peanut butter and banana sandwich. Put unmentionables in the laundry downstairs because you put the last clean ones on today.
8:00 pm – Answer phone and remember the phone bill needs paying. Pay phone bill online while listening to an hour's dissertation from grown son who's confused about why his three girlfriends hate each other.
9:00 pm – Make 3rd bourbon and coke, lay out clothes for next day, stack dishes in dishwasher only to find clean dishes in there that haven't been put away yet. Wash them a second time along with the dirty dishes.
9:30 pm – Undress in bathroom, wash off makeup (and other things), notice wrinkles and other body flaws in mirror and vow to start back at the ladies' gym when schedule settles down. Apply hydrocortisone cream to chapped face. Throw away 7 empty toilet paper rolls that have collected all week on the stand next to toilet. Take medicines and turn bathroom light off.
10:00 pm – Sit down at computer one last time to check e-mails, message boards, cross off 2 items on the "To Do" list and add 3 more for next day.
10:45 pm – Go to bed. Put Joe Sample CD on low, stuff a big pillow up against back to resemble somebody's nice warm belly, and try to hear 3 songs before falling asleep.
5:15 am – Begin process of hitting snooze alarm. Remember on the 5th time that the only clean underwear you have is still sitting in the washer downstairs, and the low-heeled dress shoes are at the office."
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QotD: Scared Senseless
What are your irrational fears?
Submitted by Dan Culhane.
Interstate driving and spiders. I work with a lady who is terrified of midgets. I offer this on her behalf because I bet that one won't show up anywhere on Vox…lol. Congrats on the QotD, Dan!
QotD: Nom Nom Nom
What's your favorite kind of homemade cookie? Share the recipe if you have it.
Chocolate Chip:
– Bend over at a 45 degree angle and grasp the Pillsbury dough log firmly in your hand, placing it into your cart.
– Let it stand at room temperature for 30 minutes while you stand in line at the one register of 10 that actually has a cashier.
– Toss about in trunk of car with other groceries for 15 minutes until you reach the house.
– Carry the room temperature, agitated cookie dough log into the kitchen and turn on the oven.
– After the oven is preheated to 400 degrees, open oven door and remove blazing hot pans that were stored there because you were out of room in the cabinets.
– Let the cookie sheet cool to 200 degrees, split open the dough log at the end, and squish a reasonable sized blob onto the pan.
– Repeat this process until there is no more room on the pan. Put pan into oven.
– Eat the remaining cookie dough raw, swearing with each bite that it will be your last.
– Having your sweet tooth momentarily sated, go check your e-mails while the cookies bake.
– When the smoke alarm sounds, leave your computer and dash to the kitchen.
– Consider throwing cookies out, but then decide waste is waste.
– Crumble the cookie crisps into a course texture and sprinkle over Breyer's Vanilla Bean ice cream and eat.
O’ Holy Night – the best
…rendition in my opinion. Makes my arm hairs stand on end (lol).
And I love this arrangement of The Christmas Song where they did a track overlay of Natalie Cole singing along with her Dad. The video to this was very good, too, showing both of them singing this song simultaneously:
And this one…this one makes me incredibly sad and nostalgic, and reminds me that most likely none of it will come true for me, but the song is done so beautifully that I wish it for others. I don't even care for the artist…except for this song:
I hope everyone enjoys them.
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I’ve watched this 5 times today…
…and I'm still laughing out loud. Stuff that really tickles me makes me cry. I don't know why, but when something's very funny to me, the tears start flowing. My co-worker saw me wiping tears, runny makeup while wheezing, and goes, "Are you okay?" Anyway, this has been circulated a lot, but I will never not find this funny. This is priceless:
Mom arriving with cake. (Not my mom)
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3 Comments
My Favorite Christmas Song
Too late for the QOtD, but tough. There are many that I really love – Little Drummer Boy and O' Holy Night I cannot listen to without the tears flowing…seriously, even after 52 Christmases. Anyway, this particular song always gets me in the Christmas spirit just a little, and I can't imagine the season passing without hearing it. It was my personal "cue" as a child, that Christmas was coming. Boston Pops does it best:
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Hello, It’s Me
This has to be one of the best songs ever made. I don't know how, but this song can be both happy and sad, and a great tune for overall listening pleasure. Most of all it's so accurately and pathetically me right now, so Mr. U, if you ever stumble upon my blog, I mean every word of this song:
Hello, it's me
I've thought about us for a long, long time
Maybe I think too much but something's wrong
There's something here that doesn't last too long
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine
Seeing you
Or seeing anything as much as I do you
I take for granted that you're always there
I take for granted that you just don't care
Sometimes I can't help seeing all the way through
It's important to me
That you know you are free
'Cause I never want to make you change for me
Think of me
You know that I'd be with you if I could
I'll come around to see you once in a while
Or if I ever need a reason to smile
And spend the night if you think I should
It's important to me
That you know you are free
'Cause I never want to make you change for me
Think of me
You know that I'd be with you if I could
I'll come around to see you once in a while
Or if I ever need a reason to smile
And spend the night if you think I should
Think of me…
Think of me…
Think of me
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Vox Hunt: I’m Just Wild About…
Show us your passion.
Beagles running foxes in competition. (these are no-kill field trials)
QotD: My Partner in the Spotlight
If you could perform alongside any artist (actor, dancer, musician, etc.), who would it be, and what would you perform?
Submitted by Kristin.
Carter Beauford, the drummer for Dave Matthews Band…and I would probably perform fallatio.
Cheeps 