Birthday fun!

Today is my birthday, and I got some flowers and a cake, so I thought I'd share. Tomorrow I am deer hunting, so I won't be near a computer.

These are the prettiest flowers and most unique vase I have seen in a long time. My sisters sent them to me at work, and the vase looks like plate glass, with just a bubbled out spot for the water and stems to show through. Very pretty! Gerbera Daisies are my favorites:

 

 

Birthday_flowers1

 

Birthday_flowers3

And then my co-workers bought me a cake – with a deer hunter and a deer on it. They took yellow icing and made the hunter blonde, LOL.

 

 

And then Allen, our field tech, had to do something lewd with the deer…of course.

 

Birthdaycake2

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100 Happy Endings, #2

Here is the second such H.E. dream I've had lately. This was a particularly good one for me. The visuals, emotions – all still very clear in my mind. They say what you dream represents the opposite of reality. I hope it isn't the case.

 

 

Bluebells

11-10-07:

"I was very close to your house, I had Sam (grandson) with me as if it were a normal thing, or that he were with me for the summer. I must have been living nearby – above your property. It was a beautiful day. Sam and I were in a field that had wildflowers on the perimeter, and a long row of wooden picnic tables set end-to-end. This row of tables dissected the field and went the entire length of the meadow, forming one long, raised road of sorts. The sun was shining, the landscape was colorful, the temperatures just right. I stepped on top of the picnic tables and began to run the length of them – with my arms raised out to the side (airplane wings fashion). I felt like a kid and I wished I’d had Sam film this little joyous display. It would have tickled him. When I came to the end of the tables, my car was there, so it must have been my property, and the big meadow separated your property from mine.

 

We had the day to kill, so I asked Sam if he wanted to surprise Mr. U and go see him – maybe Mr. U would have a fishing pole Sam could use and we could go fishing. We contemplated walking the distance to your house, and I was thinking of how far it would be to get back to my car. I would have to walk it back. I no sooner had the thought and you came up behind me. I wondered how you knew I was here, but before I could ask, Sam leapt on you, and you two gave each other a big bear hug welcome. I sat down at one of the picnic tables and when Sam finally let you go, you came up behind me, grabbed my head and tilted it back, and planted an upside down kiss on my lips. You were happy to see me, and very playful, even though it had just been a week or so since we’d seen each other last. Walking to your place would be no sweat now, because at the end of the day you would drive me back.

 

We turned to go back toward your place to get Sam a fishing pole, and as we drew near, we saw a circle of people sitting in lawn chairs and mingling around – just a small crowd had gathered on their own, like a casual get-together around a cooler of beer and a table of food. Looking person to person, I realized Ryan was in the crowd – he had come up, and Paul, too. They were mingling with your kids; Rick, Joe, Bethy, and Bethy’s kids. There were a couple of other folks in there I didn’t recognize…older ladies, maybe in their 60’s. I said to you, “Would you look at that? They have taken to each other quite well. We didn't even plan this. You had a young female relative, great niece or something, and Ryan and she were casually flirting. Everyone was talking and having a good time. My sister Beth had become a topic of conversation; something amusing about her being pregnant for the first time at this age.

 

It was time for one of the older ladies to get back home. For some reason it was common knowledge among us that she didn’t have a lot. You wanted to do something nice for her, give her something to remember her visit, so you cut some fresh flowers, and handed them to me to find some sort of a makeshift vase for them. They were a big bunch of chrysanthemums. I said,  “No sweat – I’ll be back in  jif.” Then I found myself in town, in a hospital corridor close to a nurse’s station and supply room. I was familiar with the layout of the place and I knew in the supply room would be many containers and cups for this that and the other. I would try to find one to fit these flowers that didn’t look like it came from a hospital. As I was looking, a nurse came in and reached into a box. She brought out a container that looked like an upside down deep Abe Lincoln-type hat with a wide brim. It was a clear plastic thing, and had pretty ribbons and some flowers painted on it. I told her it would be perfect, and I headed back to your place to assemble this unique bouquet for the woman. On the way back, somebody on the street – another Canadian, recognized me from behind and spoke. He said he was glad to see me up there. It was somebody like Harold or Al, or Peter – somebody we knew from beagling.

 

When I arrived, the lady and her friend met me at the drive on their way out. We were all on foot. I told her the flowers were for her, and we arranged the flowers together right there. She was appreciative of the beautiful flowers. I then walked the drive toward your house. Most of the crowd had gone, and you were on a riding mower, making big sweeps across the yard. I knew you were making sure if people were going to start gathering at your place, you would have it a little more ready for them next time. They wouldn’t have to worry about setting their chairs in long grass. I smiled at the thought of this, because I know you would pretend it was a burden, but secretly enjoy it and be a good host. As I watched you mow, I saw the sun had gone behind some clouds, but it only shaded half of the landscape. The place where I was standing was still in the sun, but the lateness of the day cast some remarkably beautiful scenery – some lit and beautiful, some shadowy under a dark sky. I wondered where my camera was. I needed to take some pictures of this.

 

As I was turning to go find my camera, your daughter Bethy walked up to me, and in a somewhat catty manner said, “So how did you manage to visit him (get to you) from the NORTH?” As I turned to answer her, I saw you coming up right behind her. You had gotten off the mower at that point and were walking toward me when you heard her ask the question. She didn’t know you were behind her. Before I could answer, you playfully whapped her on the back of the head and said, “Don’t worry about it. I’m not gonna live forever.” (As in, ease up – let me have my fun with what’s left of my life.) She turned sheepishly to see you grinning.

 

End of dream."

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

 

 

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Rainbow surprise.

I bet you thought this was going to be a new dessert recipe. Actually it's about one of my personal challenges from last week.

There are only 2 things I'm deathly afraid of: spiders and interstate driving…especially alone. I will do anything to avoid it, anything. Well almost. I won't lose my job over it, so there was my "devil and deep blue sea" last week. My boss insisted I drive from Indianapolis to (almost) Detroit, Michigan to visit a sister office for a day. I know, I know…it's not a long drive per se – about 5 hours one way, but in my mind it was like being locked in a dark closet with a tarantula for 5 hours. What complicated things even more was the projected weather report for the 24 hours I would be on the road. It made me consider saying, "Fuck you. I quit."

Most true phobias are not rational or founded, but they are real nonetheless. I know for most of you reading, mine would seem silly. It certainly defies logic, since I would think nothing of hopping onto a horse, or into a Cessna 172 and flying off into the sunset, or traveling through unknown airports, plus, I'm a very aggressive inner-city driver – often taking risks most people wouldn't for the sake of impatience. That being said, I pointed my car north, shut my eyes, and hit the gas.

Surprisingly, it didn't take me long to get comfortable with the trip, which has been the case here lately. I have learned that my fear of interstate driving has diminished to "pre-driving" fear, and once I'm on the road, I'm fine. I don't know when this metamorphosis from ChickenShit to the GoAhead-HitMeAgain attitude occurred, but I'm guessing during my recent two years from hell. Things tend to come into perspective, and it takes more than finding yourself in a tight spot going 80-mph between 2 semi-trailers in the rain to scare you. I am, however, still petrified of spiders.

I took these pictures while driving my last leg to Brighton, Michigan…on I-96 heading toward Detroit. They aren't very good as far as picture quality goes – I had to watch traffic, try to keep the camera focused on the rainbow, and time the pictures for when the wipers weren't moving across the windshield.
 
The first one was like it was telling me 'Just follow me. This is your destination.' It stayed (visually) in the center of the lanes for miles and miles. The second picture was the first time in my life I had ever actually seen a rainbow's end. Usually they fade or disappear/dissipate by the time you get close, or they always appear behind something – just always out of reach. It's hard to see through the windshield of my car with a camera, but this one clearly ended in a farmer's field, with the woodline visible behind it, the ground where it touched was brightened and color-stained to the eye, and it's brightness actually cast a shadow on the ground in front of it – even though that piece of the ground was facing the sun, which was setting behind me.
 
I took several more pictures in between these two, but these were my favorites.

 

Michigan_rainbow110507

Michigan_rainbows_end110507

I took this rainbow as a surprise gift for facing one of my biggest fears.

 

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Some of my hunting gear.

Here's a pic of my hunting gear, the camo boots (well-worn) pants, turtleneck, gloves, (my camo hooded jacket and blaze orange cap are still in the car from Saturday) and a knife to field dress a deer I might take down. Oh…and the gun itself - a simple Mossberg Model 500A 12 ga. with open sights, and the ammo – 2-3/4" one-ounce slugs. Remingtons or Federals have always done the job nicely. We are not allowed to use rifles in Indiana – just shotguns, so the shots need to be fairly close…within 60 – 75 yards if possible. 100 yards is pushing it for a shotgun. Some use scopes, they mess me up looking through them.

 

Gear

 

Mossberg_model_500A_12ga

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Okay, I’m having the dreams again. (Part 1)

I had them 2 nights in a row. (I'm back into my Unrequited Love thing again, so this is for my neighbors and friends only.) This may get tedious to read, so my feelings won't be hurt if you don't read it all the way thru or comment. I will feel better just having written it down.

Ever since my last trip to Canada, (where I played things cool and platonic), Mr. U and I have had somewhat better communications. I no longer expect to hear from him every day – via phone or e-mail, and I don't initiate most of the contact anymore. I think I already mentioned this last trip up was the first time we have ever had a "hands off" platonic visit in 2 years. Several factors played into this. His blown disc, busy as hell, me not pushing-cakes. I have since talked him into seeing a chiropractor – he calls him the "bone crusher", and he is feeling much better. This puts him in his normal, jovial, thought-provoking self, and I'm getting late night wine-soaked phone calls again. No lovey-dovey talk mind you, but no desire to keep the conversations short or let me get to bed at a reasonable hour, either. I went thru 2 cordless phone and one cell phone battery the other night. He's making plans for us again - travel plans and career-type plans. In short, he wants me to take over a particular magazine, and he wants to find backers for me so I won't suffer financial risk…and, he wants to be involved with it. He's even revealing to me how much available cash he can get his own hands on (which is way more than it would take). He always uncloaks and spills his guts when he's had a belly full of wine, followed up by whatever whiskey I left behind. Enough of that.

Point is, he is nowhere near being done with me – in some fashion. He still has my dogs and won't nail down a date when he wants me to take them back, and he's finally receptive to the idea of me relocating to Upstate New York – within an hour or two of him. All of this has spurred my dream activity back to the point where it was a year ago. 100 Happy Endings. I thought about writing a novelette titled "100 Happy Endings" and I wouldn't even have to create anything. All I need to do is journal all of my dreams – because they all consist of a "happy ending" for me. In fact, I did start writing them down as soon as I would awake, while the feeling was still there.

I love when I have these dreams. They are so vivd and detailed, and the emotions are so real. It's always a different setting, a different set of circumstances, but they are like the last page of a romance novel. They are my "dreams come true" dreams. I know I won't do them justice, but they make me feel so, so good and at peace when I have them. They stay with me all day. I'm afraid I'm going to slip back into that black hole of possession over this non-affair.

I will post this one – the first one I've had in a long time, and then I will post the one I had the next night in a separate post. By the way, I write these in a conversational format to him, even though he's never seen them.

– – – – – – – – – – – – –

"11-09-07

 

This was a shorter dream, not one of the more descriptive ones, but it definitely had its moments.

 

We were at my house; it was holiday time – December. You had come down for a visit. My kids were there, some other family/people, grandson Sam, and some other kids. The little kids were causing a ruckus of sorts – running through the rooms and rough-housing in general, and I was getting after them. We were sitting on my couch (which wasn’t where it is now) and looking toward the dining room where most of the people were standing around. I kept getting after the kids to stop what they were doing, and I was getting a little more serious with my “threats” to discipline them if they didn't. I suddenly realized that you, sitting right next to me, must think I’m a raving lunatic. I quit barking at the kids, but I had my eyes trained on them. I got the impression that you found this clucking behavior of mine amusing.

 

At this point, you got up from the couch and squatted down in front of me – to break my view of, and to divert my attention away from the kids. I noticed you had on a new sweater, a very nice one, mostly black with some red in it. It made your white beard stand out, and you looked very handsome in it. I shifted my focus away from the kids and onto you, and you said, “Listen, I came down here to ask you something” then you did that little clearing your throat thing. “I came down to ask you if you’d marry me.” Your eyes were mostly casting down at your hands as you asked this, but occasionally you would glance up to my face to gage my reaction.

 

I was so inwardly surprised – this was the last thing I expected to hear, even though I knew in my heart that you've loved me for some time. I was squeeing inside, but I decided to play coy, so I hesitated for a minute. I remember looking at your chest – at the pattern of your sweater and not into your eyes, and I said, “How soon do you need to know?” You shot back quickly, “I’d like to know now.” I said, “Okay, well then, the answer is yes.”  We both broke out into a big grin and you stood up to make the announcement to everyone. You had a glass of wine in your hand, and everyone else had either a drink or wine glass. “Listen up, everyone” you said, looking around to see that you had everyone’s attention. “I’ve asked this fine lady to marry me, and she said yes.”

 

There were some hoots from the crowd, everyone raised their glasses and began mingling between us – some around you and some around me, giving well wishes. You were across the room from me by now. Ryan (my oldest) came up to me and handed me a wine glass with champagne in it. I took a sip and brought it across the room to you. “Ryan found some of the real stuff to toast with. Here, take a sip of this.” You took a drink, set the glass down, and grabbed me into a dance. You were dancing with me in a bold, waltzing sort of way – leading me strongly, and I was careful to stay up with you and follow your lead. I was surprised because you’d always told me you didn’t dance, but it was like you had danced quite a bit in the past, and were bringing this talent out of the mothballs for this occasion. We were very happy and light-hearted in this moment, and it was like a huge weight had been lifted for both of us. People moved out of the way to give us room…and we danced.

 

End of dream."

 

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The hurrier I go…

…the behinder I get. I've had a lot I could have bleen blogging lately, but I've sorta been really busy. And when I haven't been really busy, I've been too tired to bang it out. Lots of flowery emotional stuff, some personal challenge things, some interesting developments – I'll try to catch up on all that as I can. For now I will show you what I'm up to this coming weekend:

The first pic is where I sighted in my deer gun. It was the only long gun I managed to salvage from my marriage to Shit4Brains. I had to sell all my others. I'd never shot this one before, so I took it for a practice run on Saturday and ran 5 slugs through it. A guy from work went with me and shot his 20-ga as well. We marked a circle with the letter "A" for Allen, and my circle to shoot at was marked with a "B". I'm shooting a bigger gun – a 12-ga, so my holes are the bigger holes (I connected them with red lines) Allen was all over the map for some reason. Mine's shooting low and just a tad to the left. My best shots were the first and the last, which are within the circle and about 1/2 inch apart. This target was approximately 60 yards away.

 

Sighting_in_gun111007

 

Next, I picked out my hunting spot. Allen has a deer stand, but I hunt from the ground. After scouting for trails and such, I found this spot. The deer travel down in the gully, and check out the size of the scrape on the other bank. I marked the tree (in the right-most of the pic) with reflective thumbtacks, as well as my way in to this spot. It will be pitch black when we go in, and my maglite will catch these tacks.

 

My_spot

If I'm lucky, I will have a freezer full of venison. It's very healthy meat, although, if I manage to knock one down, most of it will be made into summer sausage.

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Daily Love Tarot

Got this in my inbox this morning:

"The Nine of Pentacles card suggests that the hard part is over. You've paid your dues and you have nothing to prove. Let the results speak for themselves and don't dirty your hands with idle, trendy or high maintenance indulgences like lovers who don't give back. Take appropriate precautions and nurture the finer things that are in tune with your needs and that faithfully satisfy multiple senses. Craft a flowing comfort zone, retreat, home or romantic paradise from these established simple pleasures or self-renewing efforts. Maintain self-confidence, self-control, independence and the art of being alone. Consistent feeding of your spirit creates a rich and replenished soul. "

 

Bevanese translation: "Get over yourself; he's not gonna love you back. Stock up on TV dinners and consider getting a parakeet."

 

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QotD: Veterans Day

Today is Veterans Day.  Is there anyone you know who has served or is serving in the military that you'd like to honor today? 

Everyone…past and present. I appreciate them all. I also appreciate the armed forces of allied countries. They've been out there alongside us, usually with much less than we have.

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QotD: This One Goes Out To…

It's dedication time.  What song are you sending out, and who is it dedicated to?

Grey Street – Dave Matthews Band, and it's dedicated to all women who are walking or have walked in my shoes and survived.

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QotD: On The iPhone…

Over a million iPhones have been sold.  Have you: bought one, considered it, or decided it's not for you?

I don't even know what it is; that's how little I care about it. I still don't know how to use all the features on my regular cell phone, and I've had this particular one for 3 years. The last time I tried some "have-to-have" new technology, it turned out to be an Epilady. Imagine my surprise…

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