who celebrate it! Otherwise, have a great coming week! I will be gone…trying to find what's left of my brain (lol) and visiting friends, running dogs, and generally being on vacation. I won't have access to a computer this trip — I'm not wagging the laptop along. *big smile*
Best to everyone. Talk to you soon as I return.
I'm sorry to my neighbors for leaving my blog on such a sour note for so long. I heart you all, and I shouldn't do that.
I'm still non-smoking — 6 weeks yesterday, and the negative reinforcement of my smoking one cigarette 2 weeks ago that resulted in a nictotine overdose (as I later found out) is still holding. Don't wanna go there ever again.
Now for the fun stuff! Mr. U is getting excited about my trip up…and so am I. (he's wanted me to stop the "ugly habit" for 3 years. I think he's anxious to see what I'm like not stinking, lol. That, and he's been bragging to all of our mutual friends that I quit.) I asked him one time, "What would you do if I ever quit smoking?" His answer was, "I would buy you a present." So maybe this is my present. He has booked us on a day cruise on the St. Lawrence River, with a side stop (tour) of Boldt Castle. I took this picture of Boldt Castle in Dec. 2005 from Alexandria Bay, the first time I ever went to Mr. U's house in Canada, and he gave me a little mid-winter tour of the St. Lawrence from the American side on the way up:
Isn't that amazing? And, he knows how much I love the 1,000 Islands region of the St. Lawrence River, how much I love the water, and how much I love Hill Island Bridge:
This was taken from the Canadian side of the St. Lawrence…just about 300 yards from Mr. U's house. Whenever I'm there, I like to walk down to the river and just…..be. One time he found a place where I could actually get myself down into the river from the bank and swim in it:
We have made plans to stop by some friends' house and have a cookout…they live about midway between Syracuse (where I fly in) and Mr. U's…just on the other side of the U.S./Canadian border. If we eat, drink, and be too merry, we will stay the night there. The next day is the cruise, then on the road to Maine for the Futurity — an event for which I had to register my 3 dogs (that he has) before they were a year old. They run the trial the year they turn 2, so you have to have faith in your breeding. He has a dog out of his breeding that is only a week older than mine, so we consider them "the four derbies." Interestingly, my 3 are from my best female and his best male from our respective kennels, so he has a little added incentive to see them do well. That's okay; I appreciate his time, hard work, and notable expense to keep them trained just the same. I called them our "grandchildren" one time and he saw no humor in it, lol. Sometimes you can't pull a needle out of his ass with a tractor.
He has roughly mapped out our plans for the rest of the vacation/trip and so now I will pack — get things together, and be ready on Tuesday to walk down that exit ramp at Hancock International Airport with bells on my toes. He will most likely be hiding behind a large floor plant in the lobby, watching me look around for him, then he will pop out when my expression changes from anticipation to worry. That's okay, too. He pranks me a lot…but I got him back GOOD one time with some "rattlesnake eggs" in the middle of an Italian restaurant. A story for another time.
So for now, here's a video that I call Dumb Blonde Moment (actually, we were pretty much just drunk…and lordy, my hair looked like shit in that humidity) that was taken at the same friends' house we will be visiting again, with Jan at the camera, and Mr. U's at the scissors:
Here's the history on Boldt Castle:
At the turn-of-the-century, George C. Boldt, millionaire proprietor of the world famous Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York City, set out to build a full size rhineland castle in Alexandria Bay, on picturesque Heart Island. The grandiose structure was to be a display of his love for his wife, Louise.
Beginning in 1900, Boldt's family shared four glorious summers on the island in the Alster Tower while 300 workers including stonemasons, carpenters, and artists fashioned the six story, 120 room castle, complete with tunnels, a powerhouse, Italian gardens, a drawbridge, and a dove cote. Not a single detail or expense was spared.
In 1904, tragedy struck. Boldt telegraphed the island and commanded the workers to immediately "stop all construction." Louise had died suddenly. A broken hearted Boldt could not imagine his dream castle without his beloved. Boldt never returned to the island, leaving behind the structure as a monument of his love.
For 73 years, the castle and various stone structures were left to the mercy of the wind, rain, ice, snow and vandals. When the Thousand Islands Bridge Authority acquired the property in 1977, it was decided that through the use of all net revenues from the castle operation it would be preserved for the enjoyment of future generations.
Since 1977, several million dollars have been applied to rehabilitating, restoring and improving the Heart Island structures.
It comes up and out in pretty much the same form as it goes in and down. I was kind of surprised because I have probably only puked about 10 times (or less) in my entire life. A few of the times I kinda convinced myself to puke because I felt so nauseous that I needed relief, but this time it was up and sitting in my mouth before I could think about it. No work or violent heaving to it. Isn't this a lovely subject?
I smoked a cigarette last night. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks without one, I was half hammered (not totally hammered) but confidently hammered enough to think I could do this…smoke a cigarette. I took that pack I had been carrying around in my purse for two weeks, and had eventually tossed into the freezer, and got me one out. I sat on the front porch, lit it with much deliberation, and deeply smoked the entire cigarette. It didn't really feel or taste that much different than when I smoked. I got a momentary euphoric rush.
And then I stood up.
Never in my life have I ever felt like I was going to lose consciousness and not wake up. It was rapid. I swaggered and stumbled to my computer chair, and once seated again, felt my body begin to turn inside out. That's what it felt like. It felt like everything on the outside wanted to cave in, and everything on the inside wanted to flip outward. Truthfully, I thought there was a small chance that I was gonna arrest and die. I was fighting to stay conscious and then the cottage cheese was up, and in my mouth. The time lapse on that whole process from end of cigarette to vomiting was approximately 2 minutes or less. I got myself to the bathroom and when I finished hugging the commode, just leaned over where I was and "semi passed out" (went to sleep) right there on the bathroom floor. Scared the shit out of my son when he came up from the basement and found me. After a while I got myself to bed…still fully dressed…and my featherbed never felt so good.
I've been going through some crazy physical aches, pains and a variety of "conditions" since quitting. I'm going to journalize them for others who are contemplating quitting, so they can be prepared and informed when they make that choice. I can't seem to find much of anything about the stages I'm experiencing. I can't even Google up anything even remotely close. It's like they don't want you to know that part of it for fear of scaring you off, but I think being unprepared for the that hateful and sadistic NWA (I'll explain that acronym later) is what causes so many people to fail and take up smoking again.
As for me? I found out what I needed to know last night, and I'll never put another one of those things to my lips again. I never, ever, ever want to experience that again. It was downright frightening.
By nature, I'm not a whiner about physical things, but I believe this to be related somehow to the quitting smoking thing, and I've been blogging that process, so here 'tis.
Every stinkin' joint in my body hurts, my lower back pops when I twist it a little, even the joints where my thumbs are connected to my hands will get shooting pains. Not bad, just bothersome. My shoulders ache like I've over-exercised; basically I feel like someone who has the flu — except I'm not sick. My knee hurts as if I'm not taking my Celebrex, and frankly, I'm beginning to suspect they forgot to put the actual active ingredient in this last prescription.
I can sit for ten minutes then my hips start to hurt, so I get up and walk. I can walk for ten minutes then my knee starts hurting, and my lower back, then I must sit or lie down. I can't do anything more than 10 or 15 minutes at a time or I have to switch to get some relief. I'm taking my daily Celebrex, Ibuprofen, and baby aspirins. I still feel like somebody has worked me over with a sock full of nickels.
Oh, and I'm eating less and putting on about a pound per week.
It's been over 3 weeks that I've quit smoking, and the soreness began almost immediately, but it has really worsened in the last 4 or 5 days.
That's all for now – my whine for the week. I've already talked to my doctor about this. Tomorrow I'm going to yell. I have a trip to make with Mr. U July 1…to New York, Canada, Maine, back to New York, then home. While we're in Canada, Mr. U wants to take me on another day cruise on the St. Lawrence. I can't imagine enjoying my trip if I'm hurting like this.
I could just stay drunk.
WooHoo!
I don't think I've lost any weight, but I don't stink….LOL. I haven't gained any, though. My butt's hovering between sizes 14 and 16. See how vain I am? I tell my size. I don't give a shit. Fortunately, I'm not substituting food for the cigarettes or you'd have to grease my thighs to get me through my front door. I hate to do this, but I'm gonna talk about boring health issues.
Here's a weird thing, and I'm hoping that SOMEBODY on the www who reads this may be able to answer this question/dilemma — a reformed smoker, a medical physician…anybody. I have arthritis and bone degeneration in my right knee due to an injury in 1999. I tore my ACL — it's gone, I chipped the corner off my femur, and I blew my meniscus to pieces — it's gone. They drilled holes in my femur, trying to grow some "gristle" to replace it, and kept me wheelchair-bound for 6 weeks, (nonweight-bearing) but it didn't work. So, where I have walked bone-on-bone for the last 9 years, the contact points are dead, my knee hurts constantly, and I take Celebrex daily which allows me to walk. If I didn't have the Celebrex, I guarantee you within 3 days I would have to hold onto the furniture just to get through the house. I'd be on a walker, so to me it's a miracle drug. In 2004, they told me after an MRI that I would need a total knee replacement within 5 years. I'm fighting that off as long as I can. I'm 52, and knee replacements are only good for so many years. I certainly don't want to do it twice.
So here's the weird thing. Since I have quit smoking, ALL of my major joints hurt…especially my hip joints, with my shoulders running a close second. The Celebrex doesn't seem to help those joints any, and I'm taking 1500 mg of Ibuprofen at night to get some relief…so I can sleep without pain. I must add that my familial history includes my mother who had to have a total hip replacement at age 36 due to degenerative arthritis.
Can somebody tell me if this is a normal side-effect of smoking cessation…that my joints would ache as they do? I feel like I'm 88 years old when I get up from a chair or out of a car. I can't pull a T-shirt off over my head without pain, etc. Or, did I have this all along (the genetic arthritis gift) and the smoking "masked" it somehow? Or, did my pharmacy replace my last prescription of Celebrex with a placebo? WTF.
Okay, I will show you some gross pictures of my knee when I injured it and close this post. I'll try to post something a little more interesting soon…but I'm still 'WOOHOO" that I'm not smoking. *big smile* Side effects and all, I have NO INTEREST in picking up the habit again.
The bottom left frame you can see where they drilled the holes. I can't make out what the other shit is.
I think the top right frame is the chipped femur. I dunno.
Peace…and out. Be back later fellow Voxers!
Why do you blog?
Submitted by littleduckling.
Some of the most kind, intelligent, wonderful people I have ever encountered I have met on the internet. In no other lifetime would we, as a people, have had the opportunity to do this – communicate with billions of other human beings at a whim. I blog because perhaps there is another human being out there who will read what I write, relate to what I say, empathize if I need it, or maybe get a smile or laugh or encouragement from what I write if they need it. I love being able give that to folks.
I blog for the same reason I believe most people blog…to connect with like souls and to get a smideon of validation. I think we all need that, and to everyone who has read my ramblings and offered a comment, thank you. I appreciate you more than you will know.
As many of you probably know, Indiana has had some turbulent weather the last week or so – a lot of tornados and too much rain. We have flooding in many parts of the state, but I don't have any pics of that yet. What I do have is probably the most boring 9-minute documentary you will ever see (if you sit thru it, lol) but it has it's moments. It's me trying to outrun a storm going the same direction I am…on the 20-mile drive home from work. I pared it down from my usual 40-minute commute…just some highlights of the trip as I try to stay just ahead of the storm. And my retarded commentary, lol.
It was just something to do so here it is:
The next day (yesterday), another doozy rolled in about sunset, but it lit up the sky in some amazing colors as it passed through. I got some video, but the best shots were the stills, of which I probably took a hundred. The short video is first:
AWESOME SKY, EH?
Grandson Sam in his second year of playing baseball. This year he has a wicked-bad, custom-painted batting helmet (by DiewertDesigns, I might add):
Pretty awesome, eh?
Here's a video of "His Nibs" making a hit and rounding the bases.You can tell by all the background chuckling from Me, his Dad, and his Mom, that we are quite amused at his propensity (and talent) for stealing bases all the way home. He does it with such ease – and without hesitation. They've already nick-named him "the Thief." LMAO.
…and although I had a craving on the evening of Day 8 that almost broke me down and actually made me cry tears of anger (damn, I felt like a crack addict) …I rode it out, and I'm still not smoking. (*does happy dance*) I am, however, afraid I'm going to become a bigger lard-ass than I am, so I am asking you all for efficient food ideas. I have a month before I go on my trip, and I would like to lose 60 pounds by then, but I will settle for ten. Bear in mind that I'm a reactive hypoglycemic, so I must have protein foods.
I'm a big believer in "calories in, calories out" within a 24-hour period. It doesn't matter what those calories are — a calorie is a calorie is a calorie. If you are on a 1500 calorie diet and you want to get all 1500 of your calories from a stick of butter in one sitting, as long as you take nothing else in during that 24-hour period, you will lose weight as quickly as the person who grazes on 1500 calories worth of greens all day long. You might not enjoy your diet very well, and it may not be all that good for you, but 1500 calories is 1500 calories…period. It's a unit of heat. I know this to be true as I've dropped 65+ pounds twice in my life by strictly counting calories. I just know that I personally need to make my calories count because I have the added complication of hypoglycemia.
Here's what I'm thinking:
1500 Calories (I will not go any lower than that – 10-pound goal or not.) I will lose weight at 1500 calories because I know I eat more than that per day now, and I've recently added some stationary bike and other knee-friendly exercise.
The diet has to be easy and without a lot of muss and fuss or I won't do it. Being a single household working person with a long commute, I'm busy as hell…and I have other things going on beside preparing food every spare minute of my life. SO…
I'm thinking, compile a list of "easy to grab, easy to fix or eat in its natural form" foods that are right at (give or take) 100 calories each, from all different food groups….and then have 15 of them per day. I can mix and match the items, eat one or two every few hours to keep my blood sugar level from dropping, etc, and when I've had my 15th item, I'm done for the day. I think it will feel like a lot of food, really. I'm doing the same thing in that I'm counting calories, I'm just doing it in a manner that suits a busy person's schedule. I have nothing to lose in trying this but fat, so feel free to kick in some food item suggestions if you have any; I tend to get into a "food item rut."
Large Boiled egg = 85 calories
Lite yogurt/fruit = 80 calories (Kroger brand)
Cup of baby carrots and 2 tbs lowfat dip = 120 calories
Banana, or small apple = 100 calories
1-oz cheese = 100 calories
6 saltine crackers = 90 calories
10 big grapes = 100 calories
Beef summer sausage 2 oz = 150 calories
Fruit/granola bar = 110 calories
3 cups air-popped popcorn = 105 calories
.
.
.
.
Lite beer = 105 calories (*snorts*)
1.5 oz Shot of Jack in Diet Coke = 105 calories (lol)
4-oz of Merlot = 95 calories (Hmmm. Is wine considered a fruit?)
So with that in mind, I can realistically count on 10 – 12 "food items" per day, lol.
10:02 am: Okay. So I want a mother. fucking. cigarette. right. now. I'm taking deep breaths, and I'm drinking hot coffee — sucking it in to see if it will hit that spot in the back of my throat that needs hitting.
10:04 am: I'd still like one, but the craving is starting to subside a little. Just a little afterwave – – if i think about it. Time for a piece of bubblegum, but I'm denying that, too. I'm not going to substitute one habit for the other — even if it's harmless.
10:06 am: In the time it took me to type the above, my craving has left. I'm okay. For now. I'm gonna step outside this office and breathe in some fresh air for just a minute.
Thanks for reading.
Sue Sparrow
Cheeps 